POKER BOBBLE HEADS AND THE FUTURE OF POKER BY GARY J. STONE
I would consider myself to be a very true poker loyalist. But recently I was sent a link to view a new line of poker bobble heads. It was very cute but after it set in. It very much disturbed me. I will further explain. With the increase of the popularity of poker we will see more and more poker related items hit the market. I see this coming next.
POKER ACTION FIGURES
These could be very fun and entertaining but I see problems. I will further explain. Ok, for example lets say a parent buys this action figure for they're daughter or son. We will say Chris 'Jesus" Ferguson. We all know he is a great poker player but I see a mommy that might have had her heart broke or lost her virginity in high school with the neighborhood stoner and try to give him a haircut out of spite. Even worse at Christmas time he would multipurpose in the nativity scene if needed. He would have one special feature though. If you pull his arm back he could throw a plastic playing card and cut into a straw. That's great but children miss use common sense and I see a kid tearing up his sister's toys that would lead to a good ole ass beating.
Then they're would be Daniel Negreanus. His would be a small action figure so it looks like he would be picked on. He would never live up to THE HULK, or THE ROCK. So the problem would be keeping him in one piece. He would be beat up like a school drug nark. He would have an order form for replacement parts cause it would be very much needed.
Then I would like to mention Gus Hanson. You say 'Gary, how in the world would they're be a problem with Gus?" Well, I am here to tell you. Just look at him. He is very bald. Any smart-ass kid with a blue sharpie would make him a member of the BLUE MAN GROUP and I really don't feel Gus has any rhythm.
Then there are the ones that don't sell. They go straight to the .99-cent box or to your neighborhood Big Lots. One person who would lead that race would be Mike 'The Mouth" Matusow. Kids don't want to play with him. Hell, adults don't want to play with him. I do hear they will have a mute feature for the second run. I wish them luck.
Ok, then we would have the Johnny Chan action figure. See he's oriental and as an action figure he might not know that he's a poker player and not a martial artist. So the WWE stars and Japanese anime figures might taunt and tease him and put him on tilt. Now if he could meet up with a Matt Damon action figure he might be able to even the score from the movie Rounders.
Now I wouldn't want to forget the ladies of poker. Lets take Clonie Gowen. She is the most beautiful thing in poker right now. Do you think a 12 yr old bored boy will respect her? I doubt it very much. He will go into his sister's room and take her and lets say the Barbie Ken. Then he will be doing foul things like this. 'Oh Clonie, you like a guy that goes ALL IN…you Skank" or 'You like a guy that has the nuts, well I got a lovely set of coconuts for you bimbo broad". Then there is Annie Duke. We all love Annie, who doesn't? . I see this happening at some trailer park in America. We have this girl that has watched her two parents fight like monkeys throwing feces each other all her life. This little girl will not give Annie the respect she deserves. She will have a tea party and it will go like this. It will be all fine till GI JOE tells Annie to quit playing poker and go do the dishes. Annie being the strong woman will decline and say no. Then the shit hits the fan. GI JOE puts Annie in a kung fu grip and leads her to the plastic pink sink as he downs his last Budwieser from the BOB AND DOUG McKENZIE collection. Annie deserves much better than that people.
Then I hate to say but our guy Phil Ivey that we all admire so much could get with the wrong action figure crowd. If he is subjected to bad action figures it could hurt his poker skills. I love Snoop Dogg but he's no good for Phil as an action figure friend. One toke of Snoops 'Nashizzle Nitro Bong" and he wouldn't be able to play. He would be over at the Raymer table asking Greg if he had any Little Smokies or Bon Bons left. Just say no Phil.
Now I get to my favorite player, Phil Hellmuth Jr. He wouldn't stand a chance. He would have his head ripped off by parents daily. Not just because of Phil poker brat's reputation. It's also because of its features. It would have the 'Instafit" feature. The problem with this feature is…. it never turns off. You hit that button and you're your up all night unless it wins and lowers your self-esteem. We as consumers would not be impressed.
I hope you understand my concern. What's next you ask? Who knows and who cares I say. As long as I don't see a Chris Moneymaker 'Beer Gut" workout tape on the Home Shopping Network or the Sam Farha ' IF YOU NEVER LIGHT IT-YOU WILL NEVER GET HOOKED QUIT SMOKING PLAN" on QVC. I think we will all be fine. My calendar is marked and waiting for this though. It's the Marcel Luske 'Sing-A-Long with the 70s on K-TEL records. Be well and watch those all inn's. .
Gary J. Stone
Pokerholics Network
Disclaimer: I wrote this for strictly the purpose of humor and a good time. Not to offend anyone and my opinions are solely my own. Now if this column put you on tilt. You are invited to my next home poker game so I can finish you off. Just to clear that up. Gary will be writing future humor columns entitled ' Poker from a misfits view" for the Pokerholics Network.
Information on the Pokerholics Network please use the appropriate link. All emails will be answered promptly. Have a great year 2005. Thanks. Gary J. Stone (OWNER AND CHIEF PROPRIETER)
www.geocities.com/gjs_poker...WORK.html/
Information on the Pokerholics Network please use the appropriate link. All emails will be answered promptly. Have a great year 2005. Thanks. Gary J. Stone (OWNER AND CHIEF PROPRIETER)
Any thoughts or comments you can reach me at garzack@myway.com. Have a great New Year!!!
I would consider myself to be a very true poker loyalist. But recently I was sent a link to view a new line of poker bobble heads. It was very cute but after it set in. It very much disturbed me. I will further explain. With the increase of the popularity of poker we will see more and more poker related items hit the market. I see this coming next.
POKER ACTION FIGURES
These could be very fun and entertaining but I see problems. I will further explain. Ok, for example lets say a parent buys this action figure for they're daughter or son. We will say Chris 'Jesus" Ferguson. We all know he is a great poker player but I see a mommy that might have had her heart broke or lost her virginity in high school with the neighborhood stoner and try to give him a haircut out of spite. Even worse at Christmas time he would multipurpose in the nativity scene if needed. He would have one special feature though. If you pull his arm back he could throw a plastic playing card and cut into a straw. That's great but children miss use common sense and I see a kid tearing up his sister's toys that would lead to a good ole ass beating.
Then they're would be Daniel Negreanus. His would be a small action figure so it looks like he would be picked on. He would never live up to THE HULK, or THE ROCK. So the problem would be keeping him in one piece. He would be beat up like a school drug nark. He would have an order form for replacement parts cause it would be very much needed.
Then I would like to mention Gus Hanson. You say 'Gary, how in the world would they're be a problem with Gus?" Well, I am here to tell you. Just look at him. He is very bald. Any smart-ass kid with a blue sharpie would make him a member of the BLUE MAN GROUP and I really don't feel Gus has any rhythm.
Then there are the ones that don't sell. They go straight to the .99-cent box or to your neighborhood Big Lots. One person who would lead that race would be Mike 'The Mouth" Matusow. Kids don't want to play with him. Hell, adults don't want to play with him. I do hear they will have a mute feature for the second run. I wish them luck.
Ok, then we would have the Johnny Chan action figure. See he's oriental and as an action figure he might not know that he's a poker player and not a martial artist. So the WWE stars and Japanese anime figures might taunt and tease him and put him on tilt. Now if he could meet up with a Matt Damon action figure he might be able to even the score from the movie Rounders.
Now I wouldn't want to forget the ladies of poker. Lets take Clonie Gowen. She is the most beautiful thing in poker right now. Do you think a 12 yr old bored boy will respect her? I doubt it very much. He will go into his sister's room and take her and lets say the Barbie Ken. Then he will be doing foul things like this. 'Oh Clonie, you like a guy that goes ALL IN…you Skank" or 'You like a guy that has the nuts, well I got a lovely set of coconuts for you bimbo broad". Then there is Annie Duke. We all love Annie, who doesn't? . I see this happening at some trailer park in America. We have this girl that has watched her two parents fight like monkeys throwing feces each other all her life. This little girl will not give Annie the respect she deserves. She will have a tea party and it will go like this. It will be all fine till GI JOE tells Annie to quit playing poker and go do the dishes. Annie being the strong woman will decline and say no. Then the shit hits the fan. GI JOE puts Annie in a kung fu grip and leads her to the plastic pink sink as he downs his last Budwieser from the BOB AND DOUG McKENZIE collection. Annie deserves much better than that people.
Then I hate to say but our guy Phil Ivey that we all admire so much could get with the wrong action figure crowd. If he is subjected to bad action figures it could hurt his poker skills. I love Snoop Dogg but he's no good for Phil as an action figure friend. One toke of Snoops 'Nashizzle Nitro Bong" and he wouldn't be able to play. He would be over at the Raymer table asking Greg if he had any Little Smokies or Bon Bons left. Just say no Phil.
Now I get to my favorite player, Phil Hellmuth Jr. He wouldn't stand a chance. He would have his head ripped off by parents daily. Not just because of Phil poker brat's reputation. It's also because of its features. It would have the 'Instafit" feature. The problem with this feature is…. it never turns off. You hit that button and you're your up all night unless it wins and lowers your self-esteem. We as consumers would not be impressed.
I hope you understand my concern. What's next you ask? Who knows and who cares I say. As long as I don't see a Chris Moneymaker 'Beer Gut" workout tape on the Home Shopping Network or the Sam Farha ' IF YOU NEVER LIGHT IT-YOU WILL NEVER GET HOOKED QUIT SMOKING PLAN" on QVC. I think we will all be fine. My calendar is marked and waiting for this though. It's the Marcel Luske 'Sing-A-Long with the 70s on K-TEL records. Be well and watch those all inn's. .
Gary J. Stone
Pokerholics Network
Disclaimer: I wrote this for strictly the purpose of humor and a good time. Not to offend anyone and my opinions are solely my own. Now if this column put you on tilt. You are invited to my next home poker game so I can finish you off. Just to clear that up. Gary will be writing future humor columns entitled ' Poker from a misfits view" for the Pokerholics Network.
Information on the Pokerholics Network please use the appropriate link. All emails will be answered promptly. Have a great year 2005. Thanks. Gary J. Stone (OWNER AND CHIEF PROPRIETER)
www.geocities.com/gjs_poker...WORK.html/
Information on the Pokerholics Network please use the appropriate link. All emails will be answered promptly. Have a great year 2005. Thanks. Gary J. Stone (OWNER AND CHIEF PROPRIETER)
Any thoughts or comments you can reach me at garzack@myway.com. Have a great New Year!!!
